Hollie R.- I must be perfect.

With humility came wisdom. With wisdom came power.

 

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I must be perfect. I can’t mess up. I need to be fit. I need to look good. I need need need… Or I am not enough… Expectations are a bitch. Yes, I purposely said bitch. I also at one point in my life thought I was too good to say a naughty word.

I can’t complain about my upbringing as my parents were absolutely amazing and showed me how to love, work hard, and enjoy the simple things in life. Maybe it was such a perfect upbringing that made me feel as if I had no reason or excuse to ever fail. Yes, I get it that when people have hard childhood memories and grow up in an unhealthy environment, they have a reason for the certain “issues” in their life and it’s okay for them to fail…At least this is what I believed. I have no excuse. My childhood was great. Again, I MUST BE PERFECT.

Well, I am not perfect. I can mess up. I don’t have to look a certain way and it’s okay. Yes, I mean hell yes, it’s okay! Little did I know that it would be some of my biggest failures in life that would open the door to greatness. With my failures came humility. With humility came wisdom. With wisdom came power. Did I just say “power”? Yes! I have complete power over my mind and for some reason it took failing to find that “power”. With power of the mind I was able to overcome jealousy, feelings of not being good enough, always thinking I had to be better. Thank you God that you used my failures to make me great. I pray You keep me humble. I pray I don’t ever get caught up again in thinking I have to be a certain way to be enough. I am so thankful that my confidence is in You God and I thank you that You are for me and not against me.

 

– Hollie

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